My road to riches

Here are some of my 2006 item wish list:

Pool Table
No more paying per game, no more by the hour chargers… all mine for all i want. RM 4,500.

Espresso Machine Semi Automatic
Espresso, machiato, latte and cappucino, DIY @ home…. sheer caffeine overdose. RM 3,999.

Montecristo No. 4 Box of 25s
All time favourite cigars… damn, i am running out of them =( . RM 750.

17" sport rims, big ass Sube STI spoiler for my car
Getting sick of the fugly Alfa rip off stock rims and the tiny spoiler. RM 2,500.

Thats all i can think off, the rest i have already got them =) nyah nyah.

I went to watch The Memoirs of a Geisha yesterday with Freako. The expectations level were quite high… eversince i saw Zhang Ziyi on the FHM cover. After watching it, i realised that the movie reminds me of one thing…

that thing is called constipation. Why?

Because when i suffer from a constipation (sembelit in bahasa), i would sit on my throne for an hour. I felt like taking a crap, but it just wont come out. So for the next 60 minutes would be spent attempting to get it out of me. That, my friend, is how i felt when i was watching this geisha movie.

Dont get me wrong, everything else about the movie was excellent. Gong Li did a magnificent work potraying the ever scheming and evil Hatsumomo ( And she looks really hot too ). Zhang Ziyi did very well as the innocent and naive Sayuri…  Everything was good, the cast, the clothes, the props, the settings, and the cinematography. Everything was good, well… almost. The critical aspect of the movie that failed was the story and excitements itself.
Notice the similarity between the movie and a constipation, how excited can things get? I can sit on the toilet bowl for hours and nothing comes out; i sat in the cinema for hours and nothing comes out.

To sum it up, watching the Memoirs of Geisha is like trying to shit but nothing comes out (for an hour).

Oh, check out this spoof geisha trailer. Try not to die laughing tho: CLICK ME

http://youtube.com/w/Memoirs-of-a-Geisha–Mad-TV?v=_AQvqsZFgDY&search=geisha

Overall the movie was a disappointment. No kidding.

******* out of ********** (thats 7 out of 10 for the visually impaired)

I have never had a liking for soapy lovey dovey movies. In a matter of fact, i have never watched one in a cineplex (well, if i discount Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride, that is). I watched perhaps love a couple of weeks back at One Utama. It is rather weird that i have been dying to watch it since i saw the trailer on tv. nevertheless, watched it i did (i mean we did, there was fatass, lampost and hobbit).

Okay, i admit it, i am not gay but i am a takeshi kaneshiro fan Wuahaha. that shud explain my eagerness to watch it. plus i am into musicals too (altho i havent watch one since i was like… 5, the last one i watched was Sound of Music… together now "raindrops of roses and whiskers on kittens ..").

Enough blabbering and lets get on with my review:

Everyone did pretty well (acting wise). except for takeshi… sigh, if he does not possess that dashing good looks to shield his piss poor acting ability. did i mention he actually sang in the movie, and i believed majority of the people watching actually choked on their salivas. yeah, he sings like  silverback gorilla mating ritual. Zhou Xun (the big eyed, KLIA china chick) cant sing as well.  about the only person that sings well is… guess who, jacky cheung *yawn*.

The movie is quite colourful, unfortunately the audio lets everyone down. As for the story, one sentence… crappy triangle love crap. that is quite crappy but that is what love movies are for, so i am not complaining.

Overall i would consider this a change from the usual dose of cartoon, sex, and mindless actions i usually get and it is refreshing. worth a watch just to hear how bad takeshi sings. Its RM 6 well spent in my opinion.

Warning: Some ppl may find the following post offensive and degrading to the woman kind, but what the fark, i dont give a farking damn.

I have been conducting a very large scale project approximately 10 years ago (started when i began the puberty era) and although it is still on going, i wouild like to share my current result with all of u. I might get crucified for this, but hey, i’ve got my theories and evidence. feel free to comment.

here is my theory:

"A womans’ breasts sizes berkadar songsang with their brain size"

a here is a professional chart i created to support the theory, click to enlarge:

And finally, here is the mathematical expression:

intelligence = brain size (gram) / breast size (cup size in inches)

Take Aminah (fictional) for example, she has a cup size of D, which is approximately 4 inches and her brain size is 500 gram. Thus, aminah’s intelligence would be 500/4 = 125. or some shit like that.

This theory is from my personal experience in dealing with our female counterpart. Some of the prime examples that prove my theory right:

1. Pamela Anderson (i know they are silicone tits, but still…)
2. Our beloved Kak Rapidah.
3. David Beckham
4. A lot more women i met in my life that cannot be named to protect their identity (and also my safety),

If you can think of anymore, feel free to add it to my comment, try to keep names out, i wanna keep my blog clean. Have a nice day.

The following are notably good movies of 2005. i have watched a lot of craps too  but here are good ones:

1. The Red Eye
2. Corpse Bride
3. Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
4. Mr and Mrs Smith
5. The Island
6. Star Wars III
7. Batman Begins
8. Constantine
9. The Constant Garderner
10. The Longest Yard
11. Sepet

Here are the Craps of 2005:

1. DOOM
2. The Cave
3. Land of the Dead
4. Chicken Little
5. Elektra

Today (24th Nov. 2005), at 7 morning, my grandpa passed away in his sleep. He has been suffering from chronic cancer for a few years now. He will be forever remembered…

You look so peaceful lying there
With your hands folded upon your chest.
You look like you are sleeping
But you are at eternal rest.
So Long For Now.

Not a hair out of place,
Your make-up nicely done,
A beautiful smile upon your lips -
For now you belong to heaven.
When someone special passes on
It does not mean they are gone,
Though they are no longer with us
Their memory still lives on.
It hurts so much to lose a friend -
Especially one that is trustworthy and kind.
Grandpa, you were that special friend,
A rare and special find.
Grandpa, you will always be with me
In spirit and in mind.
You will always have a special place in my heart
Forever until the end of time.
Grandpa, I will not say "Good-bye".
This is not the end.
So I will just say, "So long…"
Until we meet again.

It was a rather long day
in school; having 4 slots of lectures (8.45 am till 5.00 pm) a day is as tormenting
listening to Roach singing her voice out. And to compound more misery on such a
boring day, a certain funny situation stirred my crappy innovative mind to life…

I was walking at rapid
pace towards a certain chamber, I know I was desperate. Any delayed seconds
would spell disaster to my ego both as an adult (am i?) and also as a man.
Learning from the Japanese JIT (Just In Time) practice, I managed to unzip my
fly and empty my reservoir into the urinary….

It was such a relief that I
wanted to do it at slow pace, and slow paced it I did… I can imagine soft Beethoven’s
Fur Elise running in the background as I peacefully empty my bladder and was
prepared for a big sigh of “ahhhhh…. Perfecto” in relieve when suddenly…

“Barp… brapppp… blek blek….
Prrrrr… plek plek”

My initial thought was
that some one was starting a 100cc Boon Siew Honda in a toilet cubicle, but
kapchais doesn’t smell like shit. Then it struck my once Beethoven filled mind
that there is someone in the cube, blasting out that potentially rotten nasi
lemak he had for breakfast.
-__- “

It was such an auditory
nuisance and the commotion inside could score an 8 on the Richter scale. That
was the moment I realized that my ingenious mind would come out with something
I call a BUTT MUFFLER.

What is it u asking…? The
purpose of a muffler on a car is to dampen the roaring explosion ignited from
the engine. It’s a tube like device then when attached to the anus during blast
off, would dampen the sound to a small PSST PSST PSST PSST… this would
certainly reduce noise pollution in the gents… or ladies too if they wish to.

So ladies and gentlemen,
the next time u think ur gonna rock the lavatory
cubicle off with kapchai impersonation (and not to mention the awful stench that follows), and u
don’t feel like making a grand auditory announcement… u know who to call,
limited time only, buy one free one. 

BUTT MUFFLER ©.
"No longer audible but still olfactory lethal!"

How muffler works on cars?
See HERE. If ur the guy who was starting that "kapchai" in the level 4 toilet cube, u deserved to get that for a full month for causing me such a trauma.

Hi all,

its been a while since i last posted. I officially declare September as a KIck-Out-Sarcasm month, so to keep my sarcastic nature in check, but what the fark, cussing is not farking sarcarsm. HAHA. Anyway, here is the link… have a good time laughing =)

Click HERE.

Dont forget to check out my joke archive HERE, updated daily.

I have been really unproductive recently (this blog is the perfect evidence), thus i have performed yet another feat of unproductivity, which i would simply name it BRUCE PRODUCITIVTY METER

or BRUPMeter for short. How it works? Here it is.. click to enlarge.

This BRUPMeter is copyrighted item, i will sue your ass off if u try to rip it off. But u may feel free to use it. Anyway, i need to crank up to at least Sex Charged Rabbit by tomorow. Have a nice day!

I realised that i have been posting some of my favourite jokes here. Lets be honest, i am not a funny person but i have  a penchant of collecting memorable jokes i have heard. I am going to start a blog with the objective of archiving all my jokes.. (yes, all hundreds of them!).

I wanna keep this blog strictly about my life and perspective, not jokes. The new site is already up… u can go there by clicking the link on the left panel… or u can just click

HERE

Just promise me u wont die from uncontrollable laughter and any laughter related side effects. I am not farking responsible for whatever happens to you after reading them.

Oh and by the way, i will add at least one joke per day till i die. now thats my idea of learning to share. By the way, if u have nice jokes wanting to be shared, just message me

On the other hand, here is a get well message to a fren. Monica, get well soon!