Hi all,
its been a while since i last posted. I officially declare September as a KIck-Out-Sarcasm month, so to keep my sarcastic nature in check, but what the fark, cussing is not farking sarcarsm. HAHA. Anyway, here is the link… have a good time laughing =)
Click HERE.
Dont forget to check out my joke archive HERE, updated daily.
I have been really unproductive recently (this blog is the perfect evidence), thus i have performed yet another feat of unproductivity, which i would simply name it BRUCE PRODUCITIVTY METER
or BRUPMeter for short. How it works? Here it is.. click to enlarge.
This BRUPMeter is copyrighted item, i will sue your ass off if u try to rip it off. But u may feel free to use it. Anyway, i need to crank up to at least Sex Charged Rabbit by tomorow. Have a nice day!
I realised that i have been posting some of my favourite jokes here. Lets be honest, i am not a funny person but i have a penchant of collecting memorable jokes i have heard. I am going to start a blog with the objective of archiving all my jokes.. (yes, all hundreds of them!).
I wanna keep this blog strictly about my life and perspective, not jokes. The new site is already up… u can go there by clicking the link on the left panel… or u can just click
Just promise me u wont die from uncontrollable laughter and any laughter related side effects. I am not farking responsible for whatever happens to you after reading them.
Oh and by the way, i will add at least one joke per day till i die. now thats my idea of learning to share. By the way, if u have nice jokes wanting to be shared, just message me 
On the other hand, here is a get well message to a fren. Monica, get well soon!
2 lawyers are queuing at the bank one lunch time, when a man walks in
with a handgun. The man tells all to empty their pockets, take off
their jewellery and put it in the sack he is holding. As the thief gets
closer to the lawyers, one of them takes out his wallet out of his
pocket, opens it, and hands his companion RM 100.
"Whats this?" the friend ask.
"Oh", says the first lawyer, "Its the RM 100 i owe you."
I have a lot of friends whom their birthdays fall on the month of September. In fact, too many to be comfortable. This month alone i personally know 4, and loads me that is not so close to me. I suspect there is a conspiracy that everyone chooses the new year eve to get all frisky and sweaty. Thus, 9 months later the hospital staff would be working their hands (and ears) off receiving these by products of pleasure and lust.
Ok, will talk about by products some other time. This post discusses WHY ARE WE CELEBRATING BIRTHDAYS? Is it because we managed to stay alive for another year, and its a cause for celebration? This really baffles me cos before i know this gang of frens, celebrating birthdays was such a taboo… its such a rare occurance that my ONLY birthday celebration was when i was still on all four (there’s a picture of me and a cake as evidence).
Personally, i feel that celebrating birhtday is a stern reminder. Every time mine arrives, i would think… "Ok, i am 21… thanks for reminding me that i have 50 more years to live… yes, i appreciate that very much… i know i am getting older (and nearer to the grave by the minute) and havent achieved my visions… thanks a lot … woohooo Happy Birthday to ME!" Its like reminding the person that he has just aged another year… and that live is getting shorter… and that he is getting older… and that his expiry date is nearer than ever before…. and that everyone is SO HAPPY ABOUT IT (that shud explain the cakes, cards, and present). So in short, we are literally just celebrating and being happy and partying cos some one is getting nearer and nearer to his/her expiry date (tarikh luput). If i have the power, i would make birhtdays a day of mourning… until the fountain of youth is found.
I have also created a nice birthday song (uncut version…)
"HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO YOU, YOU’VE _______ YEARS TO LIVE,
I HOPE WHEN THE NUMBER ENDS, I WILL STILL BE AROUND…….."
THank you, and good night.
A captain in the foreigh legion is transferred to a desert outpost. There he notices an old, seedy looking camel that looks like someone i know (Handsome’s Boss) at the back of the barracks and asks his sergeant what the animal is for.
"Well, sir", he says. "We are fair distance from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges. When they do, uh, we have the camel".
"Gosh", says the captain. "Well, if its good for the men’s morale, its allright with me".
The captain soon becomes frustrated himself. Finally he cant stand it any longer and tells his sergeant : "Bring in the camel!"
The sarege shrugs his shoulder and lead the camel to the captain’s quarters. The captain then gets a foot stool and begins having rigorous sex with the camel. As he steps down, satisfied, he asks his sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The sergeant, somewhat surprised, replies "Well… no sir, they usually just use it to ride to the brothel in town…"
